3.27.2003
sleep isn't bad... it's gooooood....
so, why am i not sleeping right now? i don't know, i have a few things on my mind, i guess. and it probably doesn't help i had a cup of coffee today around 3 p.m. i tried turning off the tv and going to sleep, but that didn't work so i'm turning on the computer to see if there's something to entertain me. blogging is it, i guess. anyway, i have a dentist appointment tomorrow (actually today) morning. another part of one of my fillings came out. what is the deal with this? how has this happened again? it's not the same tooth, but i've lived all these years without fillings breaking off and now, within the past 7 months, it has happened twice. what is that? anyway, it's wiggin' me out cause i'm gonna have to pay some bucks tomorrow when i go there. not only for what they're gonna do to me tomorrow, but because i owe them money. apparently, she was mistaken when she told me i had a $125 deductible that i had to pay up front then my insurance would cover the rest, so now i owe more money. god, it sucks. and now, i don't even know how much longer i can keep my medical insurance because it is pretty costly and it just makes my head spin how much i spend every month to pay for it. why was i in such a hurry to become an adult again? i forget. especially when it comes to money troubles. it's just a big fat pain in the ass. things like paying the mortgage, or paying electricity, or paying the phone bill, or buying food... those things were so easily taken care of NOT by me... and i was in a hurry to take care of them by myself? why? because i thought being an adult would be (insert whatever enthusiastic positive adjective). but here i am.... can't sleep because of money troubles. so, for all you young folks who are in these big huge hurries to be all grown-up and neato... rethink it because unless you are marrying the rich man who takes away all your worries (and i'd be a little afraid of that situation even) nothing is ever as easy as it looks.
and here's another thought. have you ever thought that you wanted something so badly... but then you don't really understand why you need it.... but then you can still rationalize to yourself that you should have this "thing." i don't feel like detailing what i'm talking about... but i guess that was on my mind also. there's this thing i want.... and i feel like it makes me look (spoiled, selfish, bad... whatever) to want it, but then i wonder why i care what it makes me look like to want it... but THEN, i feel like if i didn't care about what it makes me look like... THEN why do i need it in the first place? i took a philosophy class and i think this entire argument was discussed. it's circular thinking... well, i think it is. it's something like that. point is, this internal argument just keeps bringing me around and around. but whatever... i left the remote too far from me, so "mad about you" has ended and i'm watching that one show on lifetime with annie potts and that black lady. i know i know the name of this show, but at this point it is escaping me... and i don't want to watch it, so i'm gonna stop blogging and give this sleeping thing ONE MORE SHOT. wish me luck.
so, why am i not sleeping right now? i don't know, i have a few things on my mind, i guess. and it probably doesn't help i had a cup of coffee today around 3 p.m. i tried turning off the tv and going to sleep, but that didn't work so i'm turning on the computer to see if there's something to entertain me. blogging is it, i guess. anyway, i have a dentist appointment tomorrow (actually today) morning. another part of one of my fillings came out. what is the deal with this? how has this happened again? it's not the same tooth, but i've lived all these years without fillings breaking off and now, within the past 7 months, it has happened twice. what is that? anyway, it's wiggin' me out cause i'm gonna have to pay some bucks tomorrow when i go there. not only for what they're gonna do to me tomorrow, but because i owe them money. apparently, she was mistaken when she told me i had a $125 deductible that i had to pay up front then my insurance would cover the rest, so now i owe more money. god, it sucks. and now, i don't even know how much longer i can keep my medical insurance because it is pretty costly and it just makes my head spin how much i spend every month to pay for it. why was i in such a hurry to become an adult again? i forget. especially when it comes to money troubles. it's just a big fat pain in the ass. things like paying the mortgage, or paying electricity, or paying the phone bill, or buying food... those things were so easily taken care of NOT by me... and i was in a hurry to take care of them by myself? why? because i thought being an adult would be (insert whatever enthusiastic positive adjective). but here i am.... can't sleep because of money troubles. so, for all you young folks who are in these big huge hurries to be all grown-up and neato... rethink it because unless you are marrying the rich man who takes away all your worries (and i'd be a little afraid of that situation even) nothing is ever as easy as it looks.
and here's another thought. have you ever thought that you wanted something so badly... but then you don't really understand why you need it.... but then you can still rationalize to yourself that you should have this "thing." i don't feel like detailing what i'm talking about... but i guess that was on my mind also. there's this thing i want.... and i feel like it makes me look (spoiled, selfish, bad... whatever) to want it, but then i wonder why i care what it makes me look like to want it... but THEN, i feel like if i didn't care about what it makes me look like... THEN why do i need it in the first place? i took a philosophy class and i think this entire argument was discussed. it's circular thinking... well, i think it is. it's something like that. point is, this internal argument just keeps bringing me around and around. but whatever... i left the remote too far from me, so "mad about you" has ended and i'm watching that one show on lifetime with annie potts and that black lady. i know i know the name of this show, but at this point it is escaping me... and i don't want to watch it, so i'm gonna stop blogging and give this sleeping thing ONE MORE SHOT. wish me luck.
