2.27.2003
some good, some bad
yesterday was kind of a lame day.... but that's not really what i wanted to blog about. andy's friend's wife (heather) is bringing in their son to the lab that i volunteer for at UCSD. anyway, the two of them were in yesterday and when we were done, we just kinda sat there and luke (the baby) sat on top of the table and i just played with a ball with him. as heather was getting up to get her stuff ready and me and luke were playing, i was handing luke the ball, and he kinda just pushed it down and grabbed my hands. i didn't quite know what he was doing, but he put my hands down then held out his arms to reach out for me like he wanted me to pick him up... AWWWWWW!!!! i couldn't handle it. it was adorable. i told him he made my day, then he proceeded to give me wet kisses on my face. it made me happy. there is just something so genuine and cute when little babies start to reach out for people. i mean, it's not as if i had just met luke, cause you will not catch the babies at the lab just regularly doing that kinda stuff, but it was neat. andy's niece, janessa, reached out for me when she was little, too. she did it before she ever reached out to andy. jen and andy's mom say that she had never done that to anyone, but i don't really believe them. it's funny, when babies start to get a little older, they begin to get super attached to their mothers, and that reaching out thing to other people lessens... but when they are this age, it's just cool. well, i'm almost ready to leave work. i think i'm gonna go to the daily mass at 5:30p.m. at good shepherd. i think i need to do a little soul-searching. anyway, i'm done. my point of my blog was that i had a shitty day yesterday, but i also had something really good happen to me, too. you take the good with the bad, i guess. there's a perspective in there somewhere... i just need to find it.
yesterday was kind of a lame day.... but that's not really what i wanted to blog about. andy's friend's wife (heather) is bringing in their son to the lab that i volunteer for at UCSD. anyway, the two of them were in yesterday and when we were done, we just kinda sat there and luke (the baby) sat on top of the table and i just played with a ball with him. as heather was getting up to get her stuff ready and me and luke were playing, i was handing luke the ball, and he kinda just pushed it down and grabbed my hands. i didn't quite know what he was doing, but he put my hands down then held out his arms to reach out for me like he wanted me to pick him up... AWWWWWW!!!! i couldn't handle it. it was adorable. i told him he made my day, then he proceeded to give me wet kisses on my face. it made me happy. there is just something so genuine and cute when little babies start to reach out for people. i mean, it's not as if i had just met luke, cause you will not catch the babies at the lab just regularly doing that kinda stuff, but it was neat. andy's niece, janessa, reached out for me when she was little, too. she did it before she ever reached out to andy. jen and andy's mom say that she had never done that to anyone, but i don't really believe them. it's funny, when babies start to get a little older, they begin to get super attached to their mothers, and that reaching out thing to other people lessens... but when they are this age, it's just cool. well, i'm almost ready to leave work. i think i'm gonna go to the daily mass at 5:30p.m. at good shepherd. i think i need to do a little soul-searching. anyway, i'm done. my point of my blog was that i had a shitty day yesterday, but i also had something really good happen to me, too. you take the good with the bad, i guess. there's a perspective in there somewhere... i just need to find it.
2.24.2003
Yea-EEEEE
this is an inside joke from our weekend in Seattle. lol :) anyway, yes we are back and i left UCSD early today because i'm so tired. i thought i'd blog, though, before i took a nap cause i have to go to work. it was a fun weekend... eventful and fun. the snow was great, but we boarded on friday and it rained (not snowed) the entire time.... going down the mountain was like having little pellets being shot at our faces, it hurt like a mo-fo. but on saturday, it had snowed the night before and it was snowing while we were up there, so that was fun. the inches of powder was like falling on marshmallows. it was bad ass. we actually had a few scary moments when we were waiting for the killer to come get us, right, j??? lol... :) seattle people (we were actually in snoqualmie pass) are pretty funny.... it's like the town/city shuts down when the sun goes down.... i don't think they've ever heard of the nightlife... someone should tell them about it. we also saw our good friend James at the airport. you must be wondering who james is.... he's actually better known as LL Cool J!!!! it was great... toto and andy shook his hand and i stared at him in amazement. he's one handsome lookin' fella. anyway, those are pretty much the highlights i wanted to talk about in this blog... i'm glad we had a safe trip, got home safe and sound and had a good time. i couldn't ask for much more..... well, actually, another thing DID happen. andy PROPOSED and we are now officially ENGAGED. WOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
this is an inside joke from our weekend in Seattle. lol :) anyway, yes we are back and i left UCSD early today because i'm so tired. i thought i'd blog, though, before i took a nap cause i have to go to work. it was a fun weekend... eventful and fun. the snow was great, but we boarded on friday and it rained (not snowed) the entire time.... going down the mountain was like having little pellets being shot at our faces, it hurt like a mo-fo. but on saturday, it had snowed the night before and it was snowing while we were up there, so that was fun. the inches of powder was like falling on marshmallows. it was bad ass. we actually had a few scary moments when we were waiting for the killer to come get us, right, j??? lol... :) seattle people (we were actually in snoqualmie pass) are pretty funny.... it's like the town/city shuts down when the sun goes down.... i don't think they've ever heard of the nightlife... someone should tell them about it. we also saw our good friend James at the airport. you must be wondering who james is.... he's actually better known as LL Cool J!!!! it was great... toto and andy shook his hand and i stared at him in amazement. he's one handsome lookin' fella. anyway, those are pretty much the highlights i wanted to talk about in this blog... i'm glad we had a safe trip, got home safe and sound and had a good time. i couldn't ask for much more..... well, actually, another thing DID happen. andy PROPOSED and we are now officially ENGAGED. WOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
2.19.2003
off to SHEYATTLE
well, i just had to blog really quick before i get ready for bed. we finally finished packing and i'm tired. it's a good thing i don't have to do anything but stay awake to move my body into the car to go to the airport, move my body from the car to the airport, from the seat in the airport to the plane, transfer planes in LA and get on that plane to go to washington. it's a good thing i'm not driving that plane. anyway, i changed around my template today just cause. i have no reason, i just felt like it since i wasn't doing anything at work. i gotta go now. i'm gonna attempt still doing my nails even though i have to wake up at 4:45am.... FOUR FOURTY-FIVE A.M.??? yeah, i ought to go. see ya'll when we get back. wish us a safe trip and fun on the slopes.... adios.
well, i just had to blog really quick before i get ready for bed. we finally finished packing and i'm tired. it's a good thing i don't have to do anything but stay awake to move my body into the car to go to the airport, move my body from the car to the airport, from the seat in the airport to the plane, transfer planes in LA and get on that plane to go to washington. it's a good thing i'm not driving that plane. anyway, i changed around my template today just cause. i have no reason, i just felt like it since i wasn't doing anything at work. i gotta go now. i'm gonna attempt still doing my nails even though i have to wake up at 4:45am.... FOUR FOURTY-FIVE A.M.??? yeah, i ought to go. see ya'll when we get back. wish us a safe trip and fun on the slopes.... adios.
2.18.2003
damn CUTCO to hell
i have cut yet another thumb.... not that i have numerous thumbs, but i have cut the other thumb. i think i mentioned when i cut my left thumb, but today, the right decided to join in and be sliced up. and it is definitely the cutco's knives fault. a few of us have discussed this and we think it would be a good idea to round up all the people that own cutco knives, see how many of those people have cut themselves multiple times with these great, god-given knives and sue allan. yes, i understand that we would be more successful suing cutco, the company (we probably wouldn't even be successful doing that), but allan is the one who introduced our whole family to these devil play things. my thumb hurts so bad and i'm just cursing cutco with their sharpety-sharp knives in my head. damn cutco to hell, i say.
i'm beginning to get excited about seattle. me and andy got our boards waxed, and i'm going to start packing tonight, taking inventory of all our "snow" stuff. i was looking at the conditions for the resort we're going to and they seem okay. nothing too spectacular like inches and inches of snow, but with all that snow, it makes visibility extremely difficult. and i hate that. i hate when my goggles get all fogged up, but you have to leave them on because the snowflakes are piercing into your eyeballs. so, hopefully, the conditions stay pretty average, and i will have a good time.
i'm making cornish game hen for dinner tonight. andy came home from school while i was washing the teeny-tiny chickens and walked into the kitchen to ask what i was doing. i picked up one of the chickens and started making it dance..... this is something my mother used to do, folks. :) it makes me laugh when i think of it. my mom used to do that while she was washing chicken and it entetained me to the nth degree. which is probably why i did it for andy.... i AM my mother's daughter.
i have cut yet another thumb.... not that i have numerous thumbs, but i have cut the other thumb. i think i mentioned when i cut my left thumb, but today, the right decided to join in and be sliced up. and it is definitely the cutco's knives fault. a few of us have discussed this and we think it would be a good idea to round up all the people that own cutco knives, see how many of those people have cut themselves multiple times with these great, god-given knives and sue allan. yes, i understand that we would be more successful suing cutco, the company (we probably wouldn't even be successful doing that), but allan is the one who introduced our whole family to these devil play things. my thumb hurts so bad and i'm just cursing cutco with their sharpety-sharp knives in my head. damn cutco to hell, i say.
i'm beginning to get excited about seattle. me and andy got our boards waxed, and i'm going to start packing tonight, taking inventory of all our "snow" stuff. i was looking at the conditions for the resort we're going to and they seem okay. nothing too spectacular like inches and inches of snow, but with all that snow, it makes visibility extremely difficult. and i hate that. i hate when my goggles get all fogged up, but you have to leave them on because the snowflakes are piercing into your eyeballs. so, hopefully, the conditions stay pretty average, and i will have a good time.
i'm making cornish game hen for dinner tonight. andy came home from school while i was washing the teeny-tiny chickens and walked into the kitchen to ask what i was doing. i picked up one of the chickens and started making it dance..... this is something my mother used to do, folks. :) it makes me laugh when i think of it. my mom used to do that while she was washing chicken and it entetained me to the nth degree. which is probably why i did it for andy.... i AM my mother's daughter.
2.16.2003
why does this always happen to me? i was typing up an entry and i went to check the weather for seattle and it erased the whole damn thing on this page. damnit. let's try this bitch again.
another sunday
so this has been yet another sunday where i have done absolutely NOTHING. i've done nothing, nothing meaning i haven't taken a shower because i know only the people that i live with would get close enough to smell me, nothing like i have revisited my pillow a few times today to sleep, nothing like i was even in the mood to drag a broom around our floor even though it wasn't THAT dirty. it is already almost 7:30pm. how did that happen? actually, i do know how that happened. i didn't get up until 11:30am, i made brunch (steak, eggs with lobster, and breakfast potatoes) and then i went back to sleep. i'm actually doing laundry now, though. and that is actually an accomplishment in it and of itself. our hamper was overflowing. but that was most due to the gizz tainted by meya duvet cover that was invading our hamper. that's a different story, but if you know it (neneng and crissy) you can laugh your asses off. it's really a gross story.
so, last night's dinner was nice. it was pretty bank-breaking, but for a triple and half date day after valentine's day dinner, it was worth it. neneng says she will go back, but i think i'd much rather go to donovan's if i'm going to spend that much money. i'd go back if it were on someone else's dime, but other than that, i think there are other steak houses to go to. after dinner, crissy and matt left, we came home, and ronald and neneng stayed here while, andy, kyle and i went to claim jumper for dessert. neneng and crissy had dessert at the restaurant, but there wasn't really anything that i could have or that i wanted. andy wanted a chocolate chip calzone, so him and kyle ordered that and i ordered a berry pie... a la mode. yes, i had ice cream. i figured it would be okay (since it was a semi-holiday and all, not really, but i'm trying) and i didn't even eat half of it. i'm not really that big on pie, but i thought it would be better than having, say, a brownie with ice cream. anyway, yes, i had ice cream.... and i'm actually not feeling too guilty about it.
so, this week is going to be a short week. granted, i don't have tomorrow off like everyone and their mother, but i'll only be at the lab for one day this week and i'll only work monday-wednesday. anyway, i'm sure i have something better to do than blog. have a good week this week, folks.
another sunday
so this has been yet another sunday where i have done absolutely NOTHING. i've done nothing, nothing meaning i haven't taken a shower because i know only the people that i live with would get close enough to smell me, nothing like i have revisited my pillow a few times today to sleep, nothing like i was even in the mood to drag a broom around our floor even though it wasn't THAT dirty. it is already almost 7:30pm. how did that happen? actually, i do know how that happened. i didn't get up until 11:30am, i made brunch (steak, eggs with lobster, and breakfast potatoes) and then i went back to sleep. i'm actually doing laundry now, though. and that is actually an accomplishment in it and of itself. our hamper was overflowing. but that was most due to the gizz tainted by meya duvet cover that was invading our hamper. that's a different story, but if you know it (neneng and crissy) you can laugh your asses off. it's really a gross story.
so, last night's dinner was nice. it was pretty bank-breaking, but for a triple and half date day after valentine's day dinner, it was worth it. neneng says she will go back, but i think i'd much rather go to donovan's if i'm going to spend that much money. i'd go back if it were on someone else's dime, but other than that, i think there are other steak houses to go to. after dinner, crissy and matt left, we came home, and ronald and neneng stayed here while, andy, kyle and i went to claim jumper for dessert. neneng and crissy had dessert at the restaurant, but there wasn't really anything that i could have or that i wanted. andy wanted a chocolate chip calzone, so him and kyle ordered that and i ordered a berry pie... a la mode. yes, i had ice cream. i figured it would be okay (since it was a semi-holiday and all, not really, but i'm trying) and i didn't even eat half of it. i'm not really that big on pie, but i thought it would be better than having, say, a brownie with ice cream. anyway, yes, i had ice cream.... and i'm actually not feeling too guilty about it.
so, this week is going to be a short week. granted, i don't have tomorrow off like everyone and their mother, but i'll only be at the lab for one day this week and i'll only work monday-wednesday. anyway, i'm sure i have something better to do than blog. have a good week this week, folks.
2.15.2003
the day after valentine's day
i must say, i'm very glad that day is over. yesterday actually started out okay, but somehow at the end, it got shot to shit. i went to the lab and since we didn't have any babies come in, it was a pretty lax day and after that, i came home, had lunch and headed off to work. my neat co-workers have this fun little habit to chill out for the beginning of the week and when friday comes, they like to give me a shitload of stuff and then THEY leave early for the weekend. bastards. anyway, that's what ended up happening yesterday and i was pretty aggravated. then, at 4:45pm when i just had to finish up what i was doing, another dude that i work with decided he was too busy to call FEDEX to see if they could deliver something for him on monday since it is a federal holiday and asked me to call them... he obviously didn't see the mass stacks of crap that i had on my desk that i was trying to get out so i could leave the office by 5pm. i was fuming... but i thought... "well, it's valentine's day, so all i have to do is finish this stuff up, get out of here and i could have a nice dinner with andy, my mom, and sister." so i was rushing and trying to get my ass out of there as fast as i could. anyway, dinner didn't work out as planned and as i said earlier, valentine's day was shot to SHIT. but, it's a new day... and i am ready to accept it and move on. what a lame ass day.
i got a letter from kelley yesterday. i wish i could do something to help her. to her, it just seems like her whole life is crashing down around her and i don't blame her for feeling that way. her husband is in the national guard reserves and he got a call the other day telling him he had to have his bags packed cause he was on standby. now, she's scared something is going to happen to him after they just started picking up the pieces of their lives. i think the saddest thing she said in her letter is that she is so scared that something bad is gonna happen, she won't even make plans for the next week. she said she looks at every minute that all of them are alive as a blessing. and i guess that could be a good way to look at things (as in you appreciate all that is around you and don't take any of it for granted), but i think when deep down, all you're really thinking is "the people i love are gonna die any second" really makes it hard to live. i just feel so bad for her. i just really wish i could do something for her.
i must say, i'm very glad that day is over. yesterday actually started out okay, but somehow at the end, it got shot to shit. i went to the lab and since we didn't have any babies come in, it was a pretty lax day and after that, i came home, had lunch and headed off to work. my neat co-workers have this fun little habit to chill out for the beginning of the week and when friday comes, they like to give me a shitload of stuff and then THEY leave early for the weekend. bastards. anyway, that's what ended up happening yesterday and i was pretty aggravated. then, at 4:45pm when i just had to finish up what i was doing, another dude that i work with decided he was too busy to call FEDEX to see if they could deliver something for him on monday since it is a federal holiday and asked me to call them... he obviously didn't see the mass stacks of crap that i had on my desk that i was trying to get out so i could leave the office by 5pm. i was fuming... but i thought... "well, it's valentine's day, so all i have to do is finish this stuff up, get out of here and i could have a nice dinner with andy, my mom, and sister." so i was rushing and trying to get my ass out of there as fast as i could. anyway, dinner didn't work out as planned and as i said earlier, valentine's day was shot to SHIT. but, it's a new day... and i am ready to accept it and move on. what a lame ass day.
i got a letter from kelley yesterday. i wish i could do something to help her. to her, it just seems like her whole life is crashing down around her and i don't blame her for feeling that way. her husband is in the national guard reserves and he got a call the other day telling him he had to have his bags packed cause he was on standby. now, she's scared something is going to happen to him after they just started picking up the pieces of their lives. i think the saddest thing she said in her letter is that she is so scared that something bad is gonna happen, she won't even make plans for the next week. she said she looks at every minute that all of them are alive as a blessing. and i guess that could be a good way to look at things (as in you appreciate all that is around you and don't take any of it for granted), but i think when deep down, all you're really thinking is "the people i love are gonna die any second" really makes it hard to live. i just feel so bad for her. i just really wish i could do something for her.
2.12.2003
old school nintendo
i am so bored out of my mind. i'm at kyle's (and sean's, i guess) apartment and andy and kyle are out in the living room playing tecmobowl again. i was sitting here on the computer considering whether or not i wanted to blog, but i was also trying to think about a title. andy and kyle left the front door open while they are playing and some kids walked past and asked what they were playing. i don't even think one of the kids was old enough to know what the original nintendo looked like. one of the kids was like "i got PS2 at home." and kyle told him PS2 wasn't shit compared to the original nintendo. lol. i thought it was funny because the two of them are playing on one controller and they must look crazy. actually, they do look crazy, but i'm sure to little kids that have PS2 they probably think they are losers. today is kyle's birthday and i'm trying to convince them that we should go to claim jumper to get a chocolate chip calzone. i can't have that, but for some reason i wanted to go out to dinner tonight and i think i would be able to get my fill if we went and did that. i even said "i can't have any, but we should go." and kyle goes "oh, that would be fun. you can just watch." and he was being sarcastic. so i said "if there were some lesbian action going on in front of you and you couldn't take part, you'd be content to just watch, wouldn't you?" hmmmm... and that shut him up. damn, i'm smooooooooth. kyle just yelled to me from the living room that i better not be typing up a blog cause he doesn't take that shit... not scared of you, dude.
i want to go home, but i don't want for kyle to have to drive andy home. but they are playing their game. i don't really have anything important to talk about.
i am so bored out of my mind. i'm at kyle's (and sean's, i guess) apartment and andy and kyle are out in the living room playing tecmobowl again. i was sitting here on the computer considering whether or not i wanted to blog, but i was also trying to think about a title. andy and kyle left the front door open while they are playing and some kids walked past and asked what they were playing. i don't even think one of the kids was old enough to know what the original nintendo looked like. one of the kids was like "i got PS2 at home." and kyle told him PS2 wasn't shit compared to the original nintendo. lol. i thought it was funny because the two of them are playing on one controller and they must look crazy. actually, they do look crazy, but i'm sure to little kids that have PS2 they probably think they are losers. today is kyle's birthday and i'm trying to convince them that we should go to claim jumper to get a chocolate chip calzone. i can't have that, but for some reason i wanted to go out to dinner tonight and i think i would be able to get my fill if we went and did that. i even said "i can't have any, but we should go." and kyle goes "oh, that would be fun. you can just watch." and he was being sarcastic. so i said "if there were some lesbian action going on in front of you and you couldn't take part, you'd be content to just watch, wouldn't you?" hmmmm... and that shut him up. damn, i'm smooooooooth. kyle just yelled to me from the living room that i better not be typing up a blog cause he doesn't take that shit... not scared of you, dude.
i want to go home, but i don't want for kyle to have to drive andy home. but they are playing their game. i don't really have anything important to talk about.
i am a shouter
if the first step is to admit you have a problem: then i guess i've achieved the first step. me and someone else (who will remain nameless) got into an argument yesterday, if you're a smart cookie, and you can use powers of deduction, you can figure out who i am talking about. anyway, the argument itself isn't really my point. i've just been thinking about it lately, and i guess, something i don't really like about myself is that i can shout up a storm. not that there aren't about a bazillion other things i'd like to change and improve about myself, but this thing in particular is something i've been thinking about. and honestly, i'd like to think i'm better about it than i used to be (hmmmm... this could be due to numerous factors: getting a little older and a little more mature, therapy (though i don't think that's really it), or maybe even the simple fact there are less people in my life to be yelling at), but i don't necessarily know if i'm better, but maybe i just try to keep to myself to avoid yelling. i've kinda always been intrigued by super soft-spoken people. i don't think i have alot of those people in my life. but i've actually always wondered how people like that are heard... not heard in the sense of "speak up, i can't hear you," but just how can they voice their opinions and be respected if they seem so passive? but i guess that's just the other end of the spectrum. those of us in our little clan make jokes about how we are so loud because it is almost impossible to be heard amongst one another if you aren't shouting. and i guess that's where i get it from. mostly my dad, i think. he was a loud talker. and now that i think back, almost everything my dad would say would be in a fairly loud voice, and when i would ask why he was yelling he'd go "i'm not yelling." ummm, yeah dude, you were. the funny thing is, i hear myself doing that... "what??? i'm not yelling." but i probably am yelling. i think it is kind of hard to reprogram yourself, so maybe it is difficult for me to accept that you can still be listened to even though you aren't being heard at 10 thousand decibels. it's an interesting concept. shouting (and even worse, shouting matches) brings on all kinds of icky feelings... your heart races, you are almost blinded by the rage, and i think it just perpetuates the anger and in no way dilutes it. but that's just something i was thinking about. "My name is Marlou and I am a shouter." "HELLO MARLOU....."
wow, the rain has been some serious business today. i think it is funny how rain is such a sporadic ("try using it in sentence") event in san diego, it becomes such a major topic when it finally does happen. last year's "storm watch 2002" was hilarious. but anyway, i personally am enjoying the rain. i would be enjoying it ten times more if i could be in bed with my dog, drinking hot chocolate and reading a book. it's been so hot lately, and now i have a reason to wear my scarves. :)
well, i'm gonna stop blogging now. i'm at work and i am gonna start my hard-core (not really, but i like to pretend) studying for the GRE. i think it just looks better when i'm wasting time here by studying instead of surfing the internet. i'm off like panties on a nympho.... lol... GROSS.
if the first step is to admit you have a problem: then i guess i've achieved the first step. me and someone else (who will remain nameless) got into an argument yesterday, if you're a smart cookie, and you can use powers of deduction, you can figure out who i am talking about. anyway, the argument itself isn't really my point. i've just been thinking about it lately, and i guess, something i don't really like about myself is that i can shout up a storm. not that there aren't about a bazillion other things i'd like to change and improve about myself, but this thing in particular is something i've been thinking about. and honestly, i'd like to think i'm better about it than i used to be (hmmmm... this could be due to numerous factors: getting a little older and a little more mature, therapy (though i don't think that's really it), or maybe even the simple fact there are less people in my life to be yelling at), but i don't necessarily know if i'm better, but maybe i just try to keep to myself to avoid yelling. i've kinda always been intrigued by super soft-spoken people. i don't think i have alot of those people in my life. but i've actually always wondered how people like that are heard... not heard in the sense of "speak up, i can't hear you," but just how can they voice their opinions and be respected if they seem so passive? but i guess that's just the other end of the spectrum. those of us in our little clan make jokes about how we are so loud because it is almost impossible to be heard amongst one another if you aren't shouting. and i guess that's where i get it from. mostly my dad, i think. he was a loud talker. and now that i think back, almost everything my dad would say would be in a fairly loud voice, and when i would ask why he was yelling he'd go "i'm not yelling." ummm, yeah dude, you were. the funny thing is, i hear myself doing that... "what??? i'm not yelling." but i probably am yelling. i think it is kind of hard to reprogram yourself, so maybe it is difficult for me to accept that you can still be listened to even though you aren't being heard at 10 thousand decibels. it's an interesting concept. shouting (and even worse, shouting matches) brings on all kinds of icky feelings... your heart races, you are almost blinded by the rage, and i think it just perpetuates the anger and in no way dilutes it. but that's just something i was thinking about. "My name is Marlou and I am a shouter." "HELLO MARLOU....."
wow, the rain has been some serious business today. i think it is funny how rain is such a sporadic ("try using it in sentence") event in san diego, it becomes such a major topic when it finally does happen. last year's "storm watch 2002" was hilarious. but anyway, i personally am enjoying the rain. i would be enjoying it ten times more if i could be in bed with my dog, drinking hot chocolate and reading a book. it's been so hot lately, and now i have a reason to wear my scarves. :)
well, i'm gonna stop blogging now. i'm at work and i am gonna start my hard-core (not really, but i like to pretend) studying for the GRE. i think it just looks better when i'm wasting time here by studying instead of surfing the internet. i'm off like panties on a nympho.... lol... GROSS.
2.10.2003
teee eppppp seeeeee
i just had to blog about this because it was making me crazy. i went over to my mom's house on sunday because she had bought us a couple things from the comissary on base and i went to pick them up. if you haven't heard us talking about it, ever since they got it at my mom's house, all the woman watches is TFC (the filipino channel, of course) and the occasional football game. anyway, so she's watching this one shown (it's called "the buzz"), and i'm not sure what exactly it's about, but this man and woman have people on there and i guess they interview them, but these interviews are broken up with little "news" stories. but in reality, this entire show is based on GOSSIP. this is not to say that we don't have those tabloid shows here in the states (teehee... so fob), but i couldn't handle the amount of gossip these people were unloading. but actually, the part that really made me want to rip out my hair was this segment on these girls who are called "hot babes." yes, my tagalog is nowhere near any form of regular comprehension, but i can grab some words at a time. and these girls were like porn stars. now, i don't know if they were actually in porn, but wherever they are performing, it's nude... i could at least get that much information out. and they were on the show promoting themselves, and the first thing they do, is go through all the girls, and ask their name and their statistics. i guess statistics could mean whatever you wanted, but to them, it was these girls MEASUREMENTS. um, HELLO????!!! nobody else thinks this is inane for a tv show that isn't on playboy??? "(in a fob accent) ummm... kamusta, my name is janicelynn corora and i am 35-26-36....giggle, giggle" i couldn't believe it. when the first one started talking, when she said 35, i thought she was giving her age, but then she kept giving more numbers. i kept trying to get my mom to channel, but she wouldn't. she was getting more amusement out of watching me watch these girls. my mom kept trying to tell me that this is how they have figured out how to make money (obviously selling sex) and i kept screaming "what about SELF-WORTH???" "what about your SELF-RESPECT???" i CANNOT handle it when i see women (and it was just horrible watching young, filipina women - since i've heard the philippines is so conservative) think this is all they can offer and contribute. they were going through and asking these girls questions like "stuffed animal or teddy bear" and the girls would choose which one was more them and one of the questions was "brains or beauty" and 90% of the girls said brains.... YEAH EFFIN RIGHT. i didn't see you give your IQ when they asked for statistics. and they also asked "love or money" and all but 1 said love... OKAY, MORE EFFIN RIGHT. if you were looking for love, you wouldn't be trying to sell your ASS to make money. at least that one who said money, was telling the truth. OH GOD... i couldn't handle it. i kept asking my mom to channel it to something more uplifting and productive. it is just a sad display when women think this is who they are and all they'll ever be. sorry to disappoint you folks, but looks fade and that's rough if you are planning for that to take you very far in life. anyway, i think i'm done talking about this, it's making me batty.
i just had to blog about this because it was making me crazy. i went over to my mom's house on sunday because she had bought us a couple things from the comissary on base and i went to pick them up. if you haven't heard us talking about it, ever since they got it at my mom's house, all the woman watches is TFC (the filipino channel, of course) and the occasional football game. anyway, so she's watching this one shown (it's called "the buzz"), and i'm not sure what exactly it's about, but this man and woman have people on there and i guess they interview them, but these interviews are broken up with little "news" stories. but in reality, this entire show is based on GOSSIP. this is not to say that we don't have those tabloid shows here in the states (teehee... so fob), but i couldn't handle the amount of gossip these people were unloading. but actually, the part that really made me want to rip out my hair was this segment on these girls who are called "hot babes." yes, my tagalog is nowhere near any form of regular comprehension, but i can grab some words at a time. and these girls were like porn stars. now, i don't know if they were actually in porn, but wherever they are performing, it's nude... i could at least get that much information out. and they were on the show promoting themselves, and the first thing they do, is go through all the girls, and ask their name and their statistics. i guess statistics could mean whatever you wanted, but to them, it was these girls MEASUREMENTS. um, HELLO????!!! nobody else thinks this is inane for a tv show that isn't on playboy??? "(in a fob accent) ummm... kamusta, my name is janicelynn corora and i am 35-26-36....giggle, giggle" i couldn't believe it. when the first one started talking, when she said 35, i thought she was giving her age, but then she kept giving more numbers. i kept trying to get my mom to channel, but she wouldn't. she was getting more amusement out of watching me watch these girls. my mom kept trying to tell me that this is how they have figured out how to make money (obviously selling sex) and i kept screaming "what about SELF-WORTH???" "what about your SELF-RESPECT???" i CANNOT handle it when i see women (and it was just horrible watching young, filipina women - since i've heard the philippines is so conservative) think this is all they can offer and contribute. they were going through and asking these girls questions like "stuffed animal or teddy bear" and the girls would choose which one was more them and one of the questions was "brains or beauty" and 90% of the girls said brains.... YEAH EFFIN RIGHT. i didn't see you give your IQ when they asked for statistics. and they also asked "love or money" and all but 1 said love... OKAY, MORE EFFIN RIGHT. if you were looking for love, you wouldn't be trying to sell your ASS to make money. at least that one who said money, was telling the truth. OH GOD... i couldn't handle it. i kept asking my mom to channel it to something more uplifting and productive. it is just a sad display when women think this is who they are and all they'll ever be. sorry to disappoint you folks, but looks fade and that's rough if you are planning for that to take you very far in life. anyway, i think i'm done talking about this, it's making me batty.
happy 7 years and two days
so, last saturday was andy and my 7 year anniversary. the day as a whole was very pleasant... me and andy got up, went to the bank (didn't really get accomplished what were trying), i dropped him off at his work, then i went with neneng, crissy, chakee and trizza to borders (to our dismay since neneng was the only one who voted for borders as the rest of us were voting for barnes and noble) and we were "studying." why, do you ask is "studying" in quotes? well, neneng was supposed to be studying for her real estate license exam, crissy had homework to do, neneng was supposed also be helping chakee and trizza with organizing themselves for school (at least that's what i thought the three of them were gonna do), and i was supposed to start studying for the GRE. we didn't get to borders until later than we thought, so crissy and i didn't really do what we were supposed to. i bought a new GRE book (which i have way too many for someone who isn't actively studying like i'm supposed to be) and ended up writing my friend, Jennifer, a letter. and crissy could barely focus long enough to read her filipino homework like planned. anyway, i'm glad i bought a new GRE book because the books i have, one is full of tests only (no strategy stuff, which i need), and the other one is a psychology GRE book. i have 3 other books that i borrowed from someone, and there is already writing and problems worked out and stuff, which i thought would help since she had taken the princeton review class, but it was just throwing me off, so i wasn't working out the problems on my own. but anyway, blah, blah, blah.... it was cool hangin with the gals. anyway, so we went home, and andy and i headed off to our massages. they were amazing! we went to IPSB for our massages and if you want to get one for super cheap, you should go. massages do wonders for your body, and i can't rave enough about them. anyway, after that we went to dinner at Trattoria Acqua in la jolla and i thought it was pretty good. andy wasn't too impressed with the service, but other than that, i thought it was nice. we ordered the carpaccio* as an appetizer because it was just so "pretty woman" and i've always wanted to try it. *as an inside note: carpaccio is thinly sliced filet mignon that is served raw. i thought it was pretty good. andy couldn't really get past the texture, but i didn't think it was that bad. anyway, after that, we went clubbin. we went with crissy and her friend, and andy's friend, kyle. the idea was to hook up crissy's friend and andy's friend, but people proceeded to get pretty hammered, so it wasn't necessarily the ideal situation. the club had some serious house music, that i don't dig... and the dude playing the flute blew me away. there was no cover, so that made it alright, but i was D.D. so being okay with the music was proving itself to be a pretty difficult task. anyway, that was me and andy's anniversary in a nutshell. we've been together 7 years now, and it seems to be getting even better than i thought it would be every day. that isn't to say we don't have our arguments and we don't make each other crazy on occasion, but we've come a long way, and we've had our rough spots that we've had to get through. being in a relationship isn't all rainbows and ponies, so you have to work at it and you have to compromise, but all in all, i'm happy. love is weird, i guess... some people just look for it and look for it, but until you realize how much someone can love you back, you realize how lucky you are that you have it. i guess it's kinda easy to fall in love with someone, but it's a pretty tough shot to have that person love you back... and since you can't MAKE someone love you, we should all be so lucky if and when it lands in our lap. okay, before the schmaltz police come knocking on my door, i'm going to end this entry and create a whole other one about the rest of my weekend. oooooooooooh, by the way, one of my co-workers just walked past and i asked her how her weekend was and her and the guy she had been dating had just broken it off on saturday. see, that just confirms what i was talking about. she really liked this guy and he wigged out and now they aren't dating. hmm.... love is a pretty fragile deal.
so, last saturday was andy and my 7 year anniversary. the day as a whole was very pleasant... me and andy got up, went to the bank (didn't really get accomplished what were trying), i dropped him off at his work, then i went with neneng, crissy, chakee and trizza to borders (to our dismay since neneng was the only one who voted for borders as the rest of us were voting for barnes and noble) and we were "studying." why, do you ask is "studying" in quotes? well, neneng was supposed to be studying for her real estate license exam, crissy had homework to do, neneng was supposed also be helping chakee and trizza with organizing themselves for school (at least that's what i thought the three of them were gonna do), and i was supposed to start studying for the GRE. we didn't get to borders until later than we thought, so crissy and i didn't really do what we were supposed to. i bought a new GRE book (which i have way too many for someone who isn't actively studying like i'm supposed to be) and ended up writing my friend, Jennifer, a letter. and crissy could barely focus long enough to read her filipino homework like planned. anyway, i'm glad i bought a new GRE book because the books i have, one is full of tests only (no strategy stuff, which i need), and the other one is a psychology GRE book. i have 3 other books that i borrowed from someone, and there is already writing and problems worked out and stuff, which i thought would help since she had taken the princeton review class, but it was just throwing me off, so i wasn't working out the problems on my own. but anyway, blah, blah, blah.... it was cool hangin with the gals. anyway, so we went home, and andy and i headed off to our massages. they were amazing! we went to IPSB for our massages and if you want to get one for super cheap, you should go. massages do wonders for your body, and i can't rave enough about them. anyway, after that we went to dinner at Trattoria Acqua in la jolla and i thought it was pretty good. andy wasn't too impressed with the service, but other than that, i thought it was nice. we ordered the carpaccio* as an appetizer because it was just so "pretty woman" and i've always wanted to try it. *as an inside note: carpaccio is thinly sliced filet mignon that is served raw. i thought it was pretty good. andy couldn't really get past the texture, but i didn't think it was that bad. anyway, after that, we went clubbin. we went with crissy and her friend, and andy's friend, kyle. the idea was to hook up crissy's friend and andy's friend, but people proceeded to get pretty hammered, so it wasn't necessarily the ideal situation. the club had some serious house music, that i don't dig... and the dude playing the flute blew me away. there was no cover, so that made it alright, but i was D.D. so being okay with the music was proving itself to be a pretty difficult task. anyway, that was me and andy's anniversary in a nutshell. we've been together 7 years now, and it seems to be getting even better than i thought it would be every day. that isn't to say we don't have our arguments and we don't make each other crazy on occasion, but we've come a long way, and we've had our rough spots that we've had to get through. being in a relationship isn't all rainbows and ponies, so you have to work at it and you have to compromise, but all in all, i'm happy. love is weird, i guess... some people just look for it and look for it, but until you realize how much someone can love you back, you realize how lucky you are that you have it. i guess it's kinda easy to fall in love with someone, but it's a pretty tough shot to have that person love you back... and since you can't MAKE someone love you, we should all be so lucky if and when it lands in our lap. okay, before the schmaltz police come knocking on my door, i'm going to end this entry and create a whole other one about the rest of my weekend. oooooooooooh, by the way, one of my co-workers just walked past and i asked her how her weekend was and her and the guy she had been dating had just broken it off on saturday. see, that just confirms what i was talking about. she really liked this guy and he wigged out and now they aren't dating. hmm.... love is a pretty fragile deal.
2.06.2003
"i would be happy if only...."
have you ever thought about this statement? have you ever said it? well, I'VE been giving this statement some thought lately. not because of anything in particular, but just because i've heard it a couple times in the past few weeks. i don't even think i have anything specific to say about it, i just wanted to bring it up. i guess i've been thinking about it because i don't necessarily believe that people should expect that one thing in their life will bring them the ultimate happiness. kind of like when people say they would be happy if they just won the lottery... or they would just be happy if they had this certain car. i don't know. i don't really know what my point is. i've been such a scatterbrain! goodness gracious.
i got a haircut yesterday. only a trim, but i'm trying to grow my hair out and i already feel it is short, so whenever i get a little taken off, i feel like they've cut a thousand inches off. what i really think is that i need to find someone to cut my hair that can SPEAK ENGLISH. i would be happy if only my hair dresser spoke english. lol... just kidding. anyway, not that i don't think that people who can't speak english shouldn't live in our country or anything like that, it's just that i try to give these instructions on how i want my hair cut and i often don't ever feel like they completely understand what i want or they will tell me what they are going to do and i don't completely think i know what they are saying. anyway, i told her what i wanted and it felt like she was a little scissor-happy, but surprisingly enough, i actually like how she cut it. i don't think it's how i told her to do it, but i like it. it minimizes the effort i have to put into my hair before i walk out the door, and that is the ultimate plus. anyway, happy day.... i dig my hair.
i made chimichangas for dinner tonight and they were yummyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy (lol... inside joke). i think they would taste even better if i wasn't the one who had to spend almost 2 hours making the dinner, but since i don't make them very often, i enjoy eating them. i also buy these bad ass tortillas from this little produce market in mission valley. they have these hand made tortillas. they are fabulous. if you've missed out on my chimichangas, dude, you aren't really living.
congrats on your permit, chakee. and i'm glad your scarf was good luck. it would have sucked if you failed again and then you thought the scarf was bad luck. but congrats anyway.
i think i'm done posting. "estrous in my ass." that's about super monkey ball and it's funny when andy says stuff and nobody pays attention except me. the dude makes me laugh.
have you ever thought about this statement? have you ever said it? well, I'VE been giving this statement some thought lately. not because of anything in particular, but just because i've heard it a couple times in the past few weeks. i don't even think i have anything specific to say about it, i just wanted to bring it up. i guess i've been thinking about it because i don't necessarily believe that people should expect that one thing in their life will bring them the ultimate happiness. kind of like when people say they would be happy if they just won the lottery... or they would just be happy if they had this certain car. i don't know. i don't really know what my point is. i've been such a scatterbrain! goodness gracious.
i got a haircut yesterday. only a trim, but i'm trying to grow my hair out and i already feel it is short, so whenever i get a little taken off, i feel like they've cut a thousand inches off. what i really think is that i need to find someone to cut my hair that can SPEAK ENGLISH. i would be happy if only my hair dresser spoke english. lol... just kidding. anyway, not that i don't think that people who can't speak english shouldn't live in our country or anything like that, it's just that i try to give these instructions on how i want my hair cut and i often don't ever feel like they completely understand what i want or they will tell me what they are going to do and i don't completely think i know what they are saying. anyway, i told her what i wanted and it felt like she was a little scissor-happy, but surprisingly enough, i actually like how she cut it. i don't think it's how i told her to do it, but i like it. it minimizes the effort i have to put into my hair before i walk out the door, and that is the ultimate plus. anyway, happy day.... i dig my hair.
i made chimichangas for dinner tonight and they were yummyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy (lol... inside joke). i think they would taste even better if i wasn't the one who had to spend almost 2 hours making the dinner, but since i don't make them very often, i enjoy eating them. i also buy these bad ass tortillas from this little produce market in mission valley. they have these hand made tortillas. they are fabulous. if you've missed out on my chimichangas, dude, you aren't really living.
congrats on your permit, chakee. and i'm glad your scarf was good luck. it would have sucked if you failed again and then you thought the scarf was bad luck. but congrats anyway.
i think i'm done posting. "estrous in my ass." that's about super monkey ball and it's funny when andy says stuff and nobody pays attention except me. the dude makes me laugh.
2.05.2003
hello lover
oh, dearest blog, i know i've been neglectful lately, but i just haven't been in the mood. what a weird place i've been in lately. just kinda doing my thing and just going through the motions, i guess. anyway, things have been okay lately. work is same ole, same ole and we've been pretty busy at the lab. we've been having a lot of babies come in and i haven't really had a lot of time to do the odds and ends kind of stuff while i'm there. hmmm... by tomorrow, it will only be 2 weeks until we go to seattle. how weird. we need to get our shit together and start getting ready for that trip. get our winter clothes down, wax our boards, all that good stuff. i'm not nervous about the flight yet, but i'm sure that will come the sooner we get to leaving. we have to take a small plane to LAX, and then we'll take a flight to seattle/tacoma. at least i think that's what we're doing. i've always wanted to go to washington, so i'm pretty psyched.
andy finally finished working on that guy's house. for those of you who don't know, andy has been doing some remodeling on this guy's house, specifically his bathrooms. he finally finished today. thank god. sean was helping andy, but now that sean has left... (to serve his country and protect your freedom!) i was helping andy with what i could and andy was doing alot of stuff by himself. i'm pretty proud of him, he works his ass off. but that's my guy. :) ahhhhh smitten.... anyway, neneng got him the job because her boss knows that guy. neneng is andy's pimp. and crissy is her friend's pimp.... lol. WHORES.
i've been having weird dreams lately. i was also thinking... maybe that one dream i had about two people i know dying was like a double negative kinda deal. someone dying in a dream usually means that you will find out someone you know is pregnant, but since two people i know died, maybe it was like, someone being pregnant/having a baby, the next death, canceled that out, equaling death. hmm... i don't know. i guess you can tweak anything to mean what you want, so who knows. also, i was thinking about how i was saying that things happen for a reason. i wouldn't have been able to go to the memorial if i had been called for jury duty. yes, i understand it's a late realization, but i've been wanting to mention that i thought of that. anyway, i feel like this was a lame little blog entry so i'm done. me and andy are going to souplantation for dinner tonight! i'm excited. i'm craving salad for some reason. we're also going to dinner this saturday cause it's our anniversary. 7 years! "ahhhh, old people can be so sweet." lol. i'm trying to find a restaurant because i'm in charge of that, so if you have any suggestions, give me a shout. somewhere yummy, moderately priced, and somewhere ROMANTICO. okay, it doesn't have to be all romantic and shmushy, but not somewhere where they have sports memorabilia or anything lame like that as its decor. i gotta go get ready. damn, it feels like it is super freezing!
oh, dearest blog, i know i've been neglectful lately, but i just haven't been in the mood. what a weird place i've been in lately. just kinda doing my thing and just going through the motions, i guess. anyway, things have been okay lately. work is same ole, same ole and we've been pretty busy at the lab. we've been having a lot of babies come in and i haven't really had a lot of time to do the odds and ends kind of stuff while i'm there. hmmm... by tomorrow, it will only be 2 weeks until we go to seattle. how weird. we need to get our shit together and start getting ready for that trip. get our winter clothes down, wax our boards, all that good stuff. i'm not nervous about the flight yet, but i'm sure that will come the sooner we get to leaving. we have to take a small plane to LAX, and then we'll take a flight to seattle/tacoma. at least i think that's what we're doing. i've always wanted to go to washington, so i'm pretty psyched.
andy finally finished working on that guy's house. for those of you who don't know, andy has been doing some remodeling on this guy's house, specifically his bathrooms. he finally finished today. thank god. sean was helping andy, but now that sean has left... (to serve his country and protect your freedom!) i was helping andy with what i could and andy was doing alot of stuff by himself. i'm pretty proud of him, he works his ass off. but that's my guy. :) ahhhhh smitten.... anyway, neneng got him the job because her boss knows that guy. neneng is andy's pimp. and crissy is her friend's pimp.... lol. WHORES.
i've been having weird dreams lately. i was also thinking... maybe that one dream i had about two people i know dying was like a double negative kinda deal. someone dying in a dream usually means that you will find out someone you know is pregnant, but since two people i know died, maybe it was like, someone being pregnant/having a baby, the next death, canceled that out, equaling death. hmm... i don't know. i guess you can tweak anything to mean what you want, so who knows. also, i was thinking about how i was saying that things happen for a reason. i wouldn't have been able to go to the memorial if i had been called for jury duty. yes, i understand it's a late realization, but i've been wanting to mention that i thought of that. anyway, i feel like this was a lame little blog entry so i'm done. me and andy are going to souplantation for dinner tonight! i'm excited. i'm craving salad for some reason. we're also going to dinner this saturday cause it's our anniversary. 7 years! "ahhhh, old people can be so sweet." lol. i'm trying to find a restaurant because i'm in charge of that, so if you have any suggestions, give me a shout. somewhere yummy, moderately priced, and somewhere ROMANTICO. okay, it doesn't have to be all romantic and shmushy, but not somewhere where they have sports memorabilia or anything lame like that as its decor. i gotta go get ready. damn, it feels like it is super freezing!
2.01.2003
old farm street
i haven't felt like blogging for the past few days. i've been pretty out of it, so every time i tried to blog (which was almost every day since my last blog), i could barely get myself to sit still for enough time to type an entry out. anyway, i'm suffering from a mild migraine right now, and it was blazing earlier, but i've had a nap and some food, so i'm a little better. anyway, andy and i went up to moreno valley today. we drove past our old house on old farm street, and it was a little weird to see. i drove past the junior high neneng went to when we lived there and i was pretty proud of myself for remembering how to get there. i took a picture of the house with my i-zone camera and showed it to my mom and my mom was pretty much like "oh, it looks the same." then she goes, "oh, that tree wasn't there before. where did that tree come from???" and i had to remind her that i wasn't the one who planted it, so i wouldn't know where it came from and that was enough information for her. she's a crazy lady. but she's my mother; ergo, i'm crazy, too.
we went up to moreno valley for the memorial service for kelley's daughter. it wasn't as bad as i was picturing it in my head to be (mostly because i was picturing it to be COMPLETELY horrible)... and THANK GOD it wasn't. i think i would have had a nervous breakdown if anyone really lost it. it was just sad and it was hard to think about that little baby and how much all those people were going to miss her. i was keeping it together for the most part, but when the singing started and this woman was singing the "jesus loves me (cause the bible tells me so)" song, it became too hard not to cry. and she also sang "amazing grace" which is reminiscent of my dad's funeral. :( hmmm... anyway, i don't really feel like typing all the details of what happened today, but i'm just really, really glad we went. i wish there was more i could do, but i can't create miracles, so the only thing i can do is just be here for her if/when she needs me.
so, this whole thing happening has really showed me how fragile life can be. not that i haven't really given death alot of thought, but with a little baby who wasn't even given the chance to live past 5 weeks, i can definitely see now that life really hangs in this delicate balance. i mean, everything in your life can change within a matter of minutes and everything you know that is absolute and concrete, no longer remains absolute and concrete. and even though i TRULY believe everything happens for a reason, which is something i've really learned and am getting better at accepting (i didn't dare saying this to kelley because this is NOT what people want to hear after they lose someone - make this a mental note if you ever get the urge to say this to someone after a loved one dies), today i actually got a glimpse that affirms my belief that we have people in our lives at different times for various reasons and it is all part of the giant plan. i mean, i completely hated it when we moved to moreno valley when i was in 4th grade. HATED IT. but i look back now, and had we not moved there, i wouldn't have ever met kelley, and you obviously see where i was going with this. anyway, i just really believe we have people in our lives for very specific reasons, and we learn from people, whether it is something about ourselves, about other people, good and bad lessons about how life works, or even just to fill something in our life that we didn't realize we needed. anyway, i just had a lot of thinking time, and i thought i'd share. i'm done talking. my headache is starting to worsen, so i should get some sleep now. it's been a rough week.............
i haven't felt like blogging for the past few days. i've been pretty out of it, so every time i tried to blog (which was almost every day since my last blog), i could barely get myself to sit still for enough time to type an entry out. anyway, i'm suffering from a mild migraine right now, and it was blazing earlier, but i've had a nap and some food, so i'm a little better. anyway, andy and i went up to moreno valley today. we drove past our old house on old farm street, and it was a little weird to see. i drove past the junior high neneng went to when we lived there and i was pretty proud of myself for remembering how to get there. i took a picture of the house with my i-zone camera and showed it to my mom and my mom was pretty much like "oh, it looks the same." then she goes, "oh, that tree wasn't there before. where did that tree come from???" and i had to remind her that i wasn't the one who planted it, so i wouldn't know where it came from and that was enough information for her. she's a crazy lady. but she's my mother; ergo, i'm crazy, too.
we went up to moreno valley for the memorial service for kelley's daughter. it wasn't as bad as i was picturing it in my head to be (mostly because i was picturing it to be COMPLETELY horrible)... and THANK GOD it wasn't. i think i would have had a nervous breakdown if anyone really lost it. it was just sad and it was hard to think about that little baby and how much all those people were going to miss her. i was keeping it together for the most part, but when the singing started and this woman was singing the "jesus loves me (cause the bible tells me so)" song, it became too hard not to cry. and she also sang "amazing grace" which is reminiscent of my dad's funeral. :( hmmm... anyway, i don't really feel like typing all the details of what happened today, but i'm just really, really glad we went. i wish there was more i could do, but i can't create miracles, so the only thing i can do is just be here for her if/when she needs me.
so, this whole thing happening has really showed me how fragile life can be. not that i haven't really given death alot of thought, but with a little baby who wasn't even given the chance to live past 5 weeks, i can definitely see now that life really hangs in this delicate balance. i mean, everything in your life can change within a matter of minutes and everything you know that is absolute and concrete, no longer remains absolute and concrete. and even though i TRULY believe everything happens for a reason, which is something i've really learned and am getting better at accepting (i didn't dare saying this to kelley because this is NOT what people want to hear after they lose someone - make this a mental note if you ever get the urge to say this to someone after a loved one dies), today i actually got a glimpse that affirms my belief that we have people in our lives at different times for various reasons and it is all part of the giant plan. i mean, i completely hated it when we moved to moreno valley when i was in 4th grade. HATED IT. but i look back now, and had we not moved there, i wouldn't have ever met kelley, and you obviously see where i was going with this. anyway, i just really believe we have people in our lives for very specific reasons, and we learn from people, whether it is something about ourselves, about other people, good and bad lessons about how life works, or even just to fill something in our life that we didn't realize we needed. anyway, i just had a lot of thinking time, and i thought i'd share. i'm done talking. my headache is starting to worsen, so i should get some sleep now. it's been a rough week.............
