10.10.2005
i'm so oblivious on so many levels.
it took me a while to fall asleep last night. that's very unusual for me. i typically lay my head down and i'm out in less than 5 minutes. but last night took me almost 40 minutes. strange, strange.
anyway, as andrew and i were going to sleep we were talking and i had this very important moment of clarity. namely about growing up, moving on, and just living life. it was like something SO obvious, but i had completely missed it. and it shocked the shit out of my system. and the more i thought about it, i realized it is such a logical thing, so why was i so shocked? probably because i didn't picture it to be this way. but it is what it is. but like i said, it was so obvious, it made me feel uneasy that it hadn't made sense before. my co-workers and i talk all the time about how hard it is for me to accept change. and it really is. like when things change it takes all of my being sometimes to not become unglued.
it may come from left field... and even be something that is uncharacteristic for me (and probably something i won't comment on after this moment)..... but....
i miss what our family used to be.
anyway, as andrew and i were going to sleep we were talking and i had this very important moment of clarity. namely about growing up, moving on, and just living life. it was like something SO obvious, but i had completely missed it. and it shocked the shit out of my system. and the more i thought about it, i realized it is such a logical thing, so why was i so shocked? probably because i didn't picture it to be this way. but it is what it is. but like i said, it was so obvious, it made me feel uneasy that it hadn't made sense before. my co-workers and i talk all the time about how hard it is for me to accept change. and it really is. like when things change it takes all of my being sometimes to not become unglued.
it may come from left field... and even be something that is uncharacteristic for me (and probably something i won't comment on after this moment)..... but....
i miss what our family used to be.
