10.17.2005
sometimes you just feel like a bad blogger
so, i've noticed something. whenever i'm going through any kind of internal turmoil, my blogs often seem to miss a little of the good old fashioned, witty repartee that i usually like to write about. and in turn, i feel like i'm leaving my readers with poo and junkety junk to read.
i have this really weird thing where if i'm having a problem, and it feels pretty major, i don't like to talk about it out loud. sometimes, not even to andy. of course, i talk to him about it eventually, but i like to work things out on my own. try to figure things out in my own head before i bring them to the table with other people. i think sometimes it seems that i'm distancing myself from people, or i'm pulling away, but that's just the wonderfulness that is me. i can't always talk about things ad nauseam - it almost never really helps me. especially when it's a problem of mine all alone. maybe i hate hearing other people's opinions, as if it's going to affect my thought processes more than i want... who knows, but i thought i'd just explain why my blogs have been lacking that little sumthin' sumthin' lately.
i've been feeling very (for lack of a better term) uneasy with what i'm going to do about my career path. i don't think i've talked about it yet, but i have decided not to apply to graduate schools this year. and on top of that, i don't know what that means as far as ever applying again. i just feel really up in the air with all of it. and as an adult that is shortly going to turn 30-years-old (oh, no i diiien't), it is certainly not the best feeling. especially when i've always felt so driven and ambitious. also, knowing other people expect this from me, as well, keeps this weird "pressure" on all of it. or maybe it is self-inflicted pressure, actually.
i guess i've learned that not everyone gets this clear path of "this is what your life is supposed to be." i don't regret any of the decisions i've made. i made the best decisions i could with the knowledge i had. i truly believe this is how it should happen and maybe my path is hidden somewhere, i just need to find it and make it clear for myself.
i'm good enough. i'm smart enough. and gosh darnit, people like me. happy monday! :)
i have this really weird thing where if i'm having a problem, and it feels pretty major, i don't like to talk about it out loud. sometimes, not even to andy. of course, i talk to him about it eventually, but i like to work things out on my own. try to figure things out in my own head before i bring them to the table with other people. i think sometimes it seems that i'm distancing myself from people, or i'm pulling away, but that's just the wonderfulness that is me. i can't always talk about things ad nauseam - it almost never really helps me. especially when it's a problem of mine all alone. maybe i hate hearing other people's opinions, as if it's going to affect my thought processes more than i want... who knows, but i thought i'd just explain why my blogs have been lacking that little sumthin' sumthin' lately.
i've been feeling very (for lack of a better term) uneasy with what i'm going to do about my career path. i don't think i've talked about it yet, but i have decided not to apply to graduate schools this year. and on top of that, i don't know what that means as far as ever applying again. i just feel really up in the air with all of it. and as an adult that is shortly going to turn 30-years-old (oh, no i diiien't), it is certainly not the best feeling. especially when i've always felt so driven and ambitious. also, knowing other people expect this from me, as well, keeps this weird "pressure" on all of it. or maybe it is self-inflicted pressure, actually.
i guess i've learned that not everyone gets this clear path of "this is what your life is supposed to be." i don't regret any of the decisions i've made. i made the best decisions i could with the knowledge i had. i truly believe this is how it should happen and maybe my path is hidden somewhere, i just need to find it and make it clear for myself.
i'm good enough. i'm smart enough. and gosh darnit, people like me. happy monday! :)
