2.12.2003
i am a shouter
if the first step is to admit you have a problem: then i guess i've achieved the first step. me and someone else (who will remain nameless) got into an argument yesterday, if you're a smart cookie, and you can use powers of deduction, you can figure out who i am talking about. anyway, the argument itself isn't really my point. i've just been thinking about it lately, and i guess, something i don't really like about myself is that i can shout up a storm. not that there aren't about a bazillion other things i'd like to change and improve about myself, but this thing in particular is something i've been thinking about. and honestly, i'd like to think i'm better about it than i used to be (hmmmm... this could be due to numerous factors: getting a little older and a little more mature, therapy (though i don't think that's really it), or maybe even the simple fact there are less people in my life to be yelling at), but i don't necessarily know if i'm better, but maybe i just try to keep to myself to avoid yelling. i've kinda always been intrigued by super soft-spoken people. i don't think i have alot of those people in my life. but i've actually always wondered how people like that are heard... not heard in the sense of "speak up, i can't hear you," but just how can they voice their opinions and be respected if they seem so passive? but i guess that's just the other end of the spectrum. those of us in our little clan make jokes about how we are so loud because it is almost impossible to be heard amongst one another if you aren't shouting. and i guess that's where i get it from. mostly my dad, i think. he was a loud talker. and now that i think back, almost everything my dad would say would be in a fairly loud voice, and when i would ask why he was yelling he'd go "i'm not yelling." ummm, yeah dude, you were. the funny thing is, i hear myself doing that... "what??? i'm not yelling." but i probably am yelling. i think it is kind of hard to reprogram yourself, so maybe it is difficult for me to accept that you can still be listened to even though you aren't being heard at 10 thousand decibels. it's an interesting concept. shouting (and even worse, shouting matches) brings on all kinds of icky feelings... your heart races, you are almost blinded by the rage, and i think it just perpetuates the anger and in no way dilutes it. but that's just something i was thinking about. "My name is Marlou and I am a shouter." "HELLO MARLOU....."
wow, the rain has been some serious business today. i think it is funny how rain is such a sporadic ("try using it in sentence") event in san diego, it becomes such a major topic when it finally does happen. last year's "storm watch 2002" was hilarious. but anyway, i personally am enjoying the rain. i would be enjoying it ten times more if i could be in bed with my dog, drinking hot chocolate and reading a book. it's been so hot lately, and now i have a reason to wear my scarves. :)
well, i'm gonna stop blogging now. i'm at work and i am gonna start my hard-core (not really, but i like to pretend) studying for the GRE. i think it just looks better when i'm wasting time here by studying instead of surfing the internet. i'm off like panties on a nympho.... lol... GROSS.
if the first step is to admit you have a problem: then i guess i've achieved the first step. me and someone else (who will remain nameless) got into an argument yesterday, if you're a smart cookie, and you can use powers of deduction, you can figure out who i am talking about. anyway, the argument itself isn't really my point. i've just been thinking about it lately, and i guess, something i don't really like about myself is that i can shout up a storm. not that there aren't about a bazillion other things i'd like to change and improve about myself, but this thing in particular is something i've been thinking about. and honestly, i'd like to think i'm better about it than i used to be (hmmmm... this could be due to numerous factors: getting a little older and a little more mature, therapy (though i don't think that's really it), or maybe even the simple fact there are less people in my life to be yelling at), but i don't necessarily know if i'm better, but maybe i just try to keep to myself to avoid yelling. i've kinda always been intrigued by super soft-spoken people. i don't think i have alot of those people in my life. but i've actually always wondered how people like that are heard... not heard in the sense of "speak up, i can't hear you," but just how can they voice their opinions and be respected if they seem so passive? but i guess that's just the other end of the spectrum. those of us in our little clan make jokes about how we are so loud because it is almost impossible to be heard amongst one another if you aren't shouting. and i guess that's where i get it from. mostly my dad, i think. he was a loud talker. and now that i think back, almost everything my dad would say would be in a fairly loud voice, and when i would ask why he was yelling he'd go "i'm not yelling." ummm, yeah dude, you were. the funny thing is, i hear myself doing that... "what??? i'm not yelling." but i probably am yelling. i think it is kind of hard to reprogram yourself, so maybe it is difficult for me to accept that you can still be listened to even though you aren't being heard at 10 thousand decibels. it's an interesting concept. shouting (and even worse, shouting matches) brings on all kinds of icky feelings... your heart races, you are almost blinded by the rage, and i think it just perpetuates the anger and in no way dilutes it. but that's just something i was thinking about. "My name is Marlou and I am a shouter." "HELLO MARLOU....."
wow, the rain has been some serious business today. i think it is funny how rain is such a sporadic ("try using it in sentence") event in san diego, it becomes such a major topic when it finally does happen. last year's "storm watch 2002" was hilarious. but anyway, i personally am enjoying the rain. i would be enjoying it ten times more if i could be in bed with my dog, drinking hot chocolate and reading a book. it's been so hot lately, and now i have a reason to wear my scarves. :)
well, i'm gonna stop blogging now. i'm at work and i am gonna start my hard-core (not really, but i like to pretend) studying for the GRE. i think it just looks better when i'm wasting time here by studying instead of surfing the internet. i'm off like panties on a nympho.... lol... GROSS.
